To all the pundits

Listening to: 'Without You' by Mariah Carey [Music Box]

I saw this on a card today:

Outside every thin person, there is a fat person wanting to get in.

It made me smile. It's the kind of thing I'd want on a t-shirt that I'd wear every time I go to Colombo, so that each and every one of the (rather voluptuous) females I meet would think twice before commenting on my frame. A silent "f*** off!" to everyone who thinks that they're an expert on my body.

In case you hadn't noticed, my tolerance is wearing thin. The next person to pass a derogatory comment about my size just might find my palm across their cheek (figuratively speaking, of course). I've spent so much time trying to curb my temper, and now I feel I'm dangerously close to letting it flare up again. I hope I can control myself when the time comes.

There's one more star in the sky (and one less in Hollywood)

Listening to: 'Jigsaw Falling into Place' by Radiohead [In Rainbows]

Which celebrities would you associate with the word 'overdose'? Britney Spears? Lindsay Lohan? Pete Doherty? Amy Winehouse? HEATH LEDGER?!?!?!?

Such a good actor (such a luscious man). Such a loss.

Movie mania!!!

Listening to: Radio 1

It has been a week for movies. First up: Enchanted. Oh man, do I love Disney or do I love Disney?! Think Snow White + Cinderella + Sleeping Beauty + Patrick Dempsey + James Marsden - what more could a girl want?! I laughed throughout the entire movie, bopped my head to the songs, and skipped my way home afterwards (only to jump onto Youtube to find clips of the songs). Ah, to be a Disney princess. Apparently Amy Adams' performance has earned her a Golden Globe nomination - the only other nominee I've seen is Nikki Blonsky, and while she was pretty good, I think Amy Adams kicks ass big time.

Next up: I Am Legend...and I'm sorry, but it's come to a stage where any movie with Will Smith scores very high in my books. So yes, it does have a certain ID4/I, Robot air to it (i.e. Will Smith manages to save the world, just 'cos he's so cool)...but he IS cool. And the movie is cool. Unless of course you're doing research in genetics, in which case this movie isn't really gonna make your life easier!

And now for the ones that passed under my radar for various reasons: Saw II and Ali G Indahouse. I haven't seen Saw, and I don't know if I'll watch the subsequent releases, but I have to say despite the gore, Saw II was a good movie. I'm still trying to understand why anyone would want to make a movie so gruesome, and how anyone (who's not a total sicko in urgent need of psychiatric help) can get a kick of watching so much blood and guts...what's the point? Personally, I think the concept was amazing (twisted, but amazing) and the movie would've still been extremely good without all the graphic scenes. Anyone care to enlighten me?

And then Ali G immediately after - all I can say is...hahahahahahahaha!!! The guy is a legend. I spent the whole movie trying to remind myself of the fact that Sacha Baron Cohen is a Cambridge graduate. I loved Borat, and I loved this.

Oh and I also saw Evening and Feast of Love on the flights to and from the States - both were decent (the latter being the better one), but quite forgettable compared to the ones I've mentioned.

I've got problems with my sleep

Listening to: 'Moving to New York' by The Wombats [The Wombats Proudly Present: A Guide to Love, Loss & Desperation]

I'm just back from New York. Spent Christmas and New Year with my cousin in New Jersey, with frequent (read: almost daily) trips to NYC, and weekends in DC and Woodstock. And before you ask - yes I went by myself, yes I did all the sightseeing by myself and NO, it's not a big deal. I'm amazed that so many people find it hard to believe that it's possible to visit a foreign country by oneself. Can I speak the language? Yes. Can I read signs? Yes. Do I have a map? Yes. So what's the problem? Who knows. But anyway, I *heart* NYC. The vibe I felt there was exhilarating. I can't explain it! There's an energy running through that place...it's amazing. I'd go back in the blink of an eye. I don't know if I could/would live there, but I'm definitely visiting again. Here's possibly my favourite out of the 500-odd photos I took (coincidentally of what is now my favourite building in the whole world) -

The Chrysler Building

Anyway that dream is over. Today was my first day back at work. Besides the fight against jetlag, the day wasn't too bad. I do wish I was back in NYC though, strolling along 42nd St, staring at all the amazing neon signs at Times Square. Or wandering through Central Park (which admittedly I didn't do enough of). Or chilling at the MoMA, trying to understand some of the more quirky exhibits. I have to confess, I'm a bit of a modern art fan now! I hope NYC is at the top of your 'places to visit' list - it should be.

But just as quickly as the dream ended, the nightmare has begun. The insecurities, the helplessness, the desperation...all have returned to make my life a living hell. Why am I so inadequate? I'm either too slow, or too thin, or too un-ladylike, or too ugly, or too boring...or too insecure (gee I wonder how that happened!). I'm fed up. Since when did everyone else become an expert on life? I wish they would try and sort out their own imperfect lives without poking their grubby noses into mine.

To take me away from the misery that has now taken hold, here's a picture of what I saw when I looked out of the window on the plane, en route to Newark Airport -

Oh to be back there.