More Than Just OK

Listening to: 'Dare You to Move' by Switchfoot [The Beautiful Letdown]

Thanks to Switchfoot for the title. I think it's time to move on from the emo sound of Dashboard Confessional and take up a more inspirational soundtrack. DC may express exactly how I feel...but it doesn't make me want to change. And I think it's about time I did. I'm not sure why...maybe it's because I'm sick of being miserable, or maybe it's 'cos people are losing sleep trying to put some sense into me and I feel bad. I'm hoping that in this case the ends justify the means.

So what do I need to change, exactly? Well for starters, I need to shed my paranoia - no one hates me. Even as I type this, my head is telling me "but you know they do"...must stop listening to myself. I claim that others are too quick to judge me...by assuming that they hate me from a few isolated incidents, am I not doing the same?

There are many more flaws that need to be rectified, but I've had less than 4 hours of sleep, and it's time to go to work. Maybe I'll just work on the paranoia for now.

Mega Update

Listening to: 'Twenty-Four' by Switchfoot [The Beautiful Letdown]

Blogging's much more difficult this year. The thought "oh I should blog this" comes to mind an immeasurable number of times...but good intentions are all that exist. I'd like to get to bed in 12 minutes, so here goes.

I'm a lot less depressed than I was when I entered my last post, you'll be glad to know. A word of advice...diving into other people's love lives is an excellent way to divert attention from oneself. You use up so much energy sorting out other people's problems that by the time you actually have time to yourself, you've forgotten why you were upset in the first place, and you're too tired to care. Awesome. That's escapism, I hear you say? Perhaps, but tell me how this is different to drowning your sorrows in a bottle (or more) of wine, or burying your head in a cloud of smoke. At least this way, I'm making someone else's life better by helping them deal with their issues.

Speaking of wine, the peer pressure's getting to me. No, I'm not about to cave in and become an alcoholic...but I do feel that I'm in fear of being ostracised for not conforming. All the cool kids drink, and only the cool kids are...well, cool. Am I OK with not being a part of the cool kids? Probably not...and that's where the problem lies. I need to become less dependent on the cool kids...I mean, being cool isn't that big a deal, is it? Hmm...

In other news, I went into the lab! Fears have been dispelled temporarily, but I'm sure they'll be back soon. Until then, all systems are go.

It is late, and I am dozing off as a type this...so I shall now go to sleep. Hopefully I'll return soon.

A Song for Me

Listening to: 'The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most' by Dashboard Confessional [The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most]

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes, perfect posture
But you're barely scraping by

And this is one time
You can't fake it hard enough to please everyone or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge you have built to flee
The places you have come to fear the most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes, perfect make up
But you're barely scraping by

...because Chris Carrabba says it much better than I can.