Thursday, March 27, 2008

I, me and myself...research?

Listening to: 'Club Foot' by Kasabian [Kasabian]

So today I was thinking...I need to marry my research. Sound weird? It shouldn't. I mean, just think about it. Here I am, trying to find ways to deal with the misery of being on my lonesome while everyone around me looks like they've just fallen out of a love is... cartoon. I tried learning tamil, but I'm too lazy. I tried watching tv (thanks to 4od and the iplayer), but I got a warning saying I was eating up bandwidth (whoops!). I tried being really girly and painting my nails, but I can't seem to get away from the "caffeine addict got crazy with the nail polish" look. I tried reading novels, but all the good ones have some kind of fairytale/tragic love story, which doesn't really help (by the way, Ian McEwan's On Chesil Beach is excellent). So what am I left with? Yup, my research! Eating, sleeping, and practically living research would be extremely efficient in terms of actually getting my PhD, and one would hope that I'd be so busy that I wouldn't notice that I am in the lab on a Saturday night because I have no life. Did I just kill two birds with one stone?

Hardly. See I have two voices in my head. There's the pragmatic, 'good head on her shoulders' one, who orchestrated the above paragraph. And then there's the broody, hapless romantic, who actually wants to enjoy life; who, at the end of every long, tiring day in the lab, just wishes there'd be someone to give her a cuddle when she got home. Sigh...if only they allowed pets in college houses.

I'm getting slightly concerned. If I'm feeling this isolated now, how's it gonna be when my friends start getting married and having kids?! I'm turning 25 in two months' (yes, twenty FRIKKIN' five)...time to start enjoying my own company, methinks.

1 comment:

  1. don't give up and the broody, hapless romantic in you shouldn't let you give up.
    first of all 25 is not a big deal,it's not like you've run out of time or something ridiculous like that!
    i believe from the bottom of my heart, that there is someone for everyone. no doubt in my mind.
    it's not easy to find, and the trouble with it is that you can't actually go looking for it.
    *it* finds you.

    the only thing we can do is to make sure we're open enough to receive it. and until then, you just have to enjoy life.
    don't think about the things that get you down, it won't get you anywhere. and really there isn't any point of it except making you wallow in self-pity.

    think of what you're thankful for and be HAPPY. you'll find someone and when you do, you'll look back on this and smile.
    i'm sure of it. :)

    be strong. be happy. be in love with the good things in life and everything you're looking for will find you.


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