Thursday, November 19, 2009

Bullyproofing my 16 year old self

Listening to: Radio 1

I've been tagged by Scrumpy and Whacko in the latest blogging tag, and 1720GMT today is the big moment for BBC's anti-bullying campaign, I've combined the two into one mega post...
Hello chuti[1] PR,

What?! Don't tell me I'm disrupting your precious O/L revision...we both know you were napping. Ammi[2] doesn't know yet...but as usual, she will soon. No, I'm not the Ghost of Christmas Future...this is November, fool. And can you please stop trying to explain this in your usual painstakingly logical manner and shut up so I can impart you with a few pearls of wisdom? Not that you'd listen to me anyway, you stubborn little...ah, thank you.

OK...since you're supposedly studying, let's start with that. O/Ls will be fine (yes, even your 3 month crash course in Lit.). Ignore the self-righteous bigots who love to trash international schools, you'll survive. You'll love your A/L subjects...except Physics, which you'll just 'like'. A/Ls will seem easier than O/Ls. Yeah you're weird like that...accept it. Embrace it even! More on that later.

FFS don't worry about all those people trying to turn you into a mini Thaththi[3] (you look like him, that's enough)! Do what appeals to you. Remember when you were 7, you told Ammi you'd study at Oxford? Screw that, you're going some place far better ;-)...don't let that horrendous mock interview faze you. At university, your grades will be marginally above average, which'll take some getting used to. But do your best, that's what counts. Oh and you know that desire to help others understand stuff? Keep that at the foremost of your'll be motivation for some serious shit you put yourself through. Your PhD (yes, you do a PhD) will be one heck of a rollercoaster ride...better toughen up your stomach!

Hmm what next? Ah yes. The PMS will more puking and fainting...oh except for this one time when you faint at freshers' fair and the ambulance crew have to escort you out of the hall with loads of people watching. But yeah, the worst is over. You'll lose about 5kg over the next decade. People will continue to give you dagger looks and say you're anorexic...meh. Don't bother with the high protein/high calorie diets, they won't work for you. And I admire your resolve but not eating chocolate won't reduce your pimples, so just get back to the good stuff, k? Oh and LOOK AFTER YOUR TEETH!!!

Now the personal stuff. The easy bits first: your love life will be pretty uneventful for the next 10 years...unless unrequited infatuations count as 'events' (please don't waste your time). You will make some amazing friends, but you'll still keep in touch with the gang. You'll be two continents away from SS but you'll still be as close as ever.

Lastly, the most important part. How can I put this gently...all the times people said nasty things about your accent, your skin colour, your country, your weight, your opinions, your preferred language, your hobbies, your social class (I know you remember every instance)...the bullying has affected you. I know you think it hasn't, and you (and a lot of other people) think I'm being a dramaqueen...but it has. Greater people have turned to alcohol, drugs, self-harming etc., but you've channelled all the negative energy into your studies and you're doing ok. You're doing the right thing, and I'm very proud of you! The bullying won't stop though. People will continue to judge you by your social class (albeit from a different perspective)...they'll also be hurtful about your career choices, your gender, your life choices, your body, your race...and more. We both know that these things don't really matter, and you're principled/stubborn enough not to change simply because you're in a minority of one. But it will hurt. A lot. You will cry. A lot. And when the studies get difficult, when you get stuck and realise you can't do everything on your own...your world will fall apart. The wall you built to protect yourself from the bullies will crumble, and every ugly insecurity you can imagine will surface. You'll hate your body, your mind, your work, your personality, your'll hate every aspect of your life.

Now dry your eyes for the good news - you turn things around. You start writing a public journal (that's this thing) and vent your thoughts. You find people you can confide in. You take the extremely brave step of opening up to your parents. Slowly, but surely, you make your way back. Clich├ęs aside, it really is a voyage of discovery. But remember this...every part of you, the good, the bad and the ugly...they're all you. And you are perfect in your imperfections. You are a good person and you live your life by the Dhamma[4]...with that, you can't go wrong. You'll be bruised and battered by people's harsh words, but you must nurse yourself back to health. Don't let anyone belittle you, your hopes or your fears. Love and accept yourself unconditionally. Please. If not you, then who?

OK I'm outta here. Know that I'm very proud of you, and you don't turn out so bad ;-).

With Blessings of the Noble Trip Gem, and the biggest, warmest hug ever,

Loku[5] PR

Sorry for the long and unfunny read; it's stuff I've been wanting to blog about for a while. One person's bullying is another person's banter and sometimes it's hard to tell them apart, but please try. A little sensitivity goes a long way.

Tagged: Sabby and Lady Divine

1 - little; 2 - Mother; 3 - Father; 4 - Buddhist teachings; 5 - big


  1. Saying this was beautiful simply doesn't cut it.

    "Don't let anyone belittle you, your hopes or your fears. Love and accept yourself unconditionally. Please, if not you, then who?"

    I loved that and it's so true. It would be so much better than blaming yourself for everything =/

    Thankies for the tag!

    (And *looks sheepish* You can bully me all you want, I won't call you a bully anymore :D)

  2. simply brilliant! :) the 16 year old you doesn't seem much different from the 26 year old you tbh! lol ;)

  3. sweet :) i remem when u were 16!!

  4. Aney that was nice! :) well put.

  5. I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with bullise. But hopefully "Loku" PR has learnt that bullies are nothing more than chavs (and you know how I use that word to describe anyone who is lame!) with the biggest insecurities. You turned out awesome! One lil' coffee and cake (was it coffee I wanted?!) in Carnaby Street proved that! :) x

  6. How could you not love physics!? Blasphemy! Even worse, you liked chemistry!?

  7. That was so sincere and deep... *hugs!*

  8. "And you are perfect in your imperfections." NAICE one PR. :D

  9. very sweet...and thanks for the tag..will get down to it when i've a little time..:)

  10. awww this was great...

    and biggest hug ever...

    I used to get bullied, I suppose I still do, but I've learn to deal with it, and counter it somewhat.

    And, once again. I truly enjoyed reading it, wish I knew you back then.

  11. That was a lovely read. You've come a long way. Loku PR should be proud of herself. :)


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