Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Scaredy Cat

Listening to: 'Quando Quando Quando' by Michael Bublé & Nelly Furtado [It's Time]

My mother sent me out to the garage last evening to put the porch light on. The garage was pretty dark (until said light was switched on), and for some reason, I was scared out of my wits. It may have been my father's words "sometimes that bloody uguduwa (polecat) sits on the bonet because it's warm", or it may have been the fact that anyone could've been standing there in front of me and I wouldn't have known. Either way, I was terrified. Anyway, it made me wonder...what am I most afraid of? Flying insects, rats, polecats are high on the list, but how high are they? What am I really afraid of? I came up with these...
  1. Rape
  2. Falling
  3. Disappointment
  4. Cockroaches (the flying variety)
  5. Death
Death is #5 because I can do nothing to avert it. Every moment I am alive takes me one moment closer to my demise. Now you might say this view is quite morbid, and I agree. But it is a sobering thought that can bring me down to Earth in the most euphoric of times (not that there are many of those around!).

I'm less scared of cockroaches than I used to be. Now I let them scurry past if they're not in my way, instead of screaming for Daddy Dearest to 'do something', like I used to. Still, I find them revolting for some reason...and the fact that they can fly means I can't keep tabs on them - one could be about to land on my head and I'd have no idea - yuck!

#3 is less about disappointment associated with a lack of material ownership or 'not having my way', and more about the disappointment associated with the people I know and admire not living up to my expectations. I admit it's my own fault for idolising the people I love, but I guess we're all a little guilty of that, aren't we?

To understand why 'falling' has the not-so-coveted #2 spot, you'd need to be informed of my spinal surgery and the subsequent medical warning: "fall, and if the clips get dislodged, you'll be paralysed from the neck down". I have the utmost admiration and respect for those who live happy lives while resigned to a wheelchair or a bed, but I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to do the same.

Numero Uno should be self-explanatory to any female reading this. Shivers run down my spine every time I hear of rape...I'm feeling queasy even as I type this. Faced with rape, I'd probably ask the guy to kill me instead.

So there they are, my Top Five. Perhaps not in the order that most would expect, but it's the order that works for me. I guess once I finally get over my fear of cockroaches, either my fear of huge spiders or my 'beard-phobia' will take its place. Indeed, prickly faces are a big no-no.


  1. Can empathise with you on the flying cockroaches...I used to hate it when they came into my room in the night and fly around. One once ran into the fan...bloody hell the smell was so bad had to go and sleep on the sofa.

  2. I did wonder about the falling thing :)

    My biggest fear is drownin in a trapped vehicle..and snakes..cant stand the things..

  3. that was really interesting! i love reading about people's fears/likes/dislikes... (yes i did live up to my fb msg and come and visit this site). I misread (probably subconsciously intentionally -if that makes any sense) falling as "failing"...i'm so sorry, im really glad you've drawn our attention to that again. i have the same fear (falling) actually, for similar reasons but obviously of a MUCH lower magnitude.

    I have to admit, i hate the philosophy of every moment being closer to death, because most of the people i know who live by it, are very morbid and sad people, and don't enjoy life. IMHO every moment should be enjoyed and cherished without thought of impending death. And also, I suppose I have different connotations with deaths because in Buddhism you get reborn until Nirvana isn't it? (I realise i have blatantly oversimplifed here) whereas in Christianity, death is a joyful experience, being brought into eternal life and living with and worshipping God forever. Not that Buddhism associates death with sadness though! I don't really know to be honest...would be interesting to hear your views on this.


Speak now, or forever hold your peace (well not really)!