Posts
Listening to: 'Starry Eyed' by Ellie Goulding [-]
My brain is about to explode. There's a lot I want to blog about - not necessarily related to the election results (though I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't feature at some point) - but I've got no time. What with the teaching, the essays for my course, the thesis that's supposed to be on its way to being finished (but is nowhere close), the performance in one and a half weeks' time (that I couldn't be less prepared for if I tried), and the complete and utter joy that is Glee (currently my only source of eye candy, can you believe it?!)...I've no time for contemplation. At all. Sucks, don't it?
And you know what else sucks? Thinking back on your trip home...thinking about your family, friends and the island life and being thankful that you were there...and then thinking about all the other stuff you encountered, and being thankful that you left. I'm not ashamed about how I feel (I promised myself last year that I would accept every part of me) but I am sad. Sad that those ugly social elements exist, sad that I'm old enough to notice them but not mature enough to remain unaffected, and most of all, sad that I've been away long enough to know that I don't belong. An unconditional love for Mother Lanka runs through my veins but at this time in my life, there is an aspect of her culture that's not a part of who I am.
My words will probably come across as self-righteous to those of you who live in SL; don't get me wrong - there's a part of me that wishes I hadn't left home at 19, just so I'd be less traumatised by what I've experienced...to that effect my mother says that living in Britain has made me soft, and she's probably right. But then at the same time, another part of me is thankful that I escaped the well, 'cos the bird's eye view has taught me a lot more about the world and myself than the frog's eye view ever could've.
I've blogged about feeling disenfranchised before, and by and large it's only elicited flippant remarks that only serve to cement my opinion. And as I enter my late twenties, with the need for security and stability, and the desire to 'belong' as strong as ever, this disconnected state does not bode well for my future contentment.
My brain is about to explode. There's a lot I want to blog about - not necessarily related to the election results (though I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't feature at some point) - but I've got no time. What with the teaching, the essays for my course, the thesis that's supposed to be on its way to being finished (but is nowhere close), the performance in one and a half weeks' time (that I couldn't be less prepared for if I tried), and the complete and utter joy that is Glee (currently my only source of eye candy, can you believe it?!)...I've no time for contemplation. At all. Sucks, don't it?
And you know what else sucks? Thinking back on your trip home...thinking about your family, friends and the island life and being thankful that you were there...and then thinking about all the other stuff you encountered, and being thankful that you left. I'm not ashamed about how I feel (I promised myself last year that I would accept every part of me) but I am sad. Sad that those ugly social elements exist, sad that I'm old enough to notice them but not mature enough to remain unaffected, and most of all, sad that I've been away long enough to know that I don't belong. An unconditional love for Mother Lanka runs through my veins but at this time in my life, there is an aspect of her culture that's not a part of who I am.
My words will probably come across as self-righteous to those of you who live in SL; don't get me wrong - there's a part of me that wishes I hadn't left home at 19, just so I'd be less traumatised by what I've experienced...to that effect my mother says that living in Britain has made me soft, and she's probably right. But then at the same time, another part of me is thankful that I escaped the well, 'cos the bird's eye view has taught me a lot more about the world and myself than the frog's eye view ever could've.
I've blogged about feeling disenfranchised before, and by and large it's only elicited flippant remarks that only serve to cement my opinion. And as I enter my late twenties, with the need for security and stability, and the desire to 'belong' as strong as ever, this disconnected state does not bode well for my future contentment.
There are ppl who feel the same way, who never left the island. :) ppl just on a different wave length than the norm. vut tu du? just smile and wave boys, just smile and wave.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, performance? :S
ReplyDeleteuhhh, damn 'em froggies and their flippant remarks... ;)
Just embrace feeling like an outsider. I do that all the time:D. Sure, I get called weird and strange, but who the heck wants to be 'normal' by their standards?
ReplyDeleteAhhhh yes, the familiar sense of disconnection. I guess it's inevitable with the younger generation when you have lived abroad long enough. But people like my parents, they manage to cling on to all that is Lanka: the good, the bad and the hideous. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteCompletely offtopic, ermm...uhhh...could you, ermm, update...ermmm the link in your blogroll? :P *hides self*
Glad to hear tht u had a good time in CMB, though the inevitable follows suit wherever we go and regardless of how long we've been away.
ReplyDeleteJust appreciate being you, ideals, opinions and all.
:)
Dee - Yeah I guess :-|
ReplyDeleteChavie - Yes, performance :-)
Darwin - It's not so much their attitude towards me, but their attitude towards life in general that I can't reconcile with. I'll try and elaborate in a future post.
Sabby - You're probably right. My parents do see my point of view, but they're resigned to the fact that resistance is futile.
And LOL done, my dear *cough*blogwhore*cough* ;-)
Cadence - Thanks :-)
We're on a somewhat similar page Sam! Though you worded it all better than I could...
ReplyDelete