Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A day in the life of a single girl

Listening to: Radio 1

This time last year I had a little rant about how singledom was perceived to be some kind of disease, and I'm sad to say (not really surprised though, I guess) that things haven't changed. In fact I lie, they have...they've actually got worse. My mother did warn me that they would, but I don't think anything or anyone could've prepared me for this.

Rewind to my trip home in December (re-rewind, when the crowd say bo sele...what?! That wasn't the first thing that came to mind when you read that sentence? Oh.)...amongst all the various social obligations was a family wedding. I was there with my parents, aunts and uncles, grandmother and grand aunts and generally having some quality 'family' time. One of my grand aunts took me to a corner and advised me that 'it was high time I found a good Sinhala Buddhist boy' but she's pushing 90 and harmless so I just grinned and took it on the chin. I thought to myself that if this was what my mother had warned me about, it'd be a piece of cake! I was wrong. Oh boy was I wrong.

Across the ballroom I spotted one of my old teachers, and being the glutton for punishm...I mean, well brought up child that I am, I decided it was probably best if I went and said hi. She was very pleased to see me, and I felt like I'd done a good deed...I mean who wouldn't appreciate being remembered after so many years, right? Everything was going along swimmingly...you know, the typical "so what did you do after leaving school?", "what's your research on?", "oh how lovely that our students are doing so well!"...and then I noticed her looking at my hand. My left hand. Suddenly alarm bells started ringing in my head. What happened next was a sea of incomprehensible questions, advice and gestures...but this was the general flow:
Ms X: How old are you now?
Me: Erm...26...?
Ms X: So you have a boyfriend?
Me: *OMGWTFBBQ* Err no, it's not a priority at the moment
Ms X: WHAT?! You're not getting any younger blah blah blah you must blah blah blah did you see Mr Y blah blah blah he's really smart blah blah blah I'll introduce you blah blah blah
Me: *keeeeelll meeeee naaaaooooo* Err no Miss it's ok, you don't have to...*feels hand being grabbed, body being hoisted off chair and dragged towards random guy*
Ms X: *to Mr Y* I want you to meet one of my blah blah blah she's very blah blah blah ok bye
Me: Erm hi. OK this is awkward.
Mr Y: *embarrassed look* Hehe
Can somebody say 'most embarrassing moment of PR's life'? Louder please. Thanks. My mother keeps telling me to 'keep an open mind' and I had to remind myself of that every two seconds in order to stop myself from tying my saree fall around my neck. I made small talk for about half a minute and then ran to my mother as soon as I could possibly do so politely. I was mortified, scarred for life...and my mother was rolling around laughing. And then came the next bomb drop. Apparently she had been told to look out for Mr Y's brother, 'cos he's apparently 'a good catch'. I mean WHAT THE...I'm being pimped to brothers?!?!?! Could things get any worse?!

Evidently so. About 2 days after this episode, we got a call from a family friend who lives abroad...asking for my height. Yeah, you guessed why...apparently her somebody's son is really nice and really smart. Ugh. And to top it all off, the food at the wedding was a bit dodgy, and I got the worst indigestion I'd had in ages. Way to kick a girl when she's down eh?

Why? WHY?! I ask you. I didn't ask to be set up with anyone. My parents haven't asked for me to be set up with anyone. Who are these people who feel they have some kind of duty to marry me off...some kind of right to interfere with my private life?! Since when did my love life become a public concern?! Apparently their intentions are good. Well you know what? I don't give a flying f*** about their intentions. They sure as hell don't care about mine. And to make things worse, some of these people have the audacity to tell my mother and father that they're bad parents because they're not searching for a groom. I'm telling you now, you could search the whole universe and not find two human beings who love me, care about me, respect me, who are proud of me, and have my best interests and my happiness at heart more than my parents. Anyone who calls them bad parents wouldn't know good parenting if it slapped them in the face.

And this is one of my 'issues' with back home. Every Dick, Tom and Harry is a self-appointed expert on all and sundry, and the sole purpose of their existence is to impose their opinions and their 'help' on everyone else. The fact that their intentions are good seems to make it all OK. I mean it's unimaginable that the recipient might not actually want or need help, right? What kind of an ungrateful wretch wouldn't want help or advice from these 'experts'? Oh I dunno, maybe the kind that actually knows what she wants in life and doesn't need interference from some supposedly-educated self-important elder? *rolls eyes*

So yeah. I've wanted to blog about this incident ever since it happened, but had a bit of writer's block until now. I know these are good people and I know their intentions are good but they're so self-absorbed that they don't realise that their efforts are in vain and unwelcome. I wish I knew how to tell them to STFU and mind their own goddamn business without actually telling them to STFU and mind their own goddamn business. Sigh.


  1. The basterds!!
    "Me: *keeeeelll meeeee naaaaooooo*" it should have been *I keeeeeel her naowwww* -___-

    But those are the little idiosyncrasies of our society and Lankan people. They always think they know best. I hope we don't turn out to be like that when we grow up.

    That's a horrible thing to go through and I am sorry you did *hugs* Atleast it's not your parents who are pushing you to get married. Your parents are awesome.

    Extended family is extended for a reason and as to family friends who think they know everything, you are only down in SL once a year.

    Ah Sri Lanka :)

  2. Actually I was meaning to write a post about friends trying to step you up... It's uncanny really, I just don't understand why people find it difficult see that there's more to life than being in a relationship.

    Sorry, about that though... I can imagine how awkward that might have been =S

  3. *takes note of this for future mocking*

  4. hilarious! i would brave all sorts of food poisoning to have seen that scene.. lol.. oh cmon, i thought u were prepared for this when u came down.. was he cute? cmon, idle chit-chat with random boys might be good for u ;)

  5. stab with nearest sharp implement. Not only will you be rid of the offending party, you will not be forwarded any proposal of any kind for the forseeable future :)

  6. Hehe I was looking forward to this rant of yours :D

    Dude, you're too nice. You need to be more like me! Cultivate a 'fuck with me and that is the last thing you would do' attitude. I mean can you seriously picture a dried up old bat of a teacher from our lovely old school telling ME that I should get married? Like seriously, can you picture the consequences?

    Sometimes it's good to be nice and polite and all that but life is too short to put up with shit like this. A relaxing holiday to SL in the midst of writing-up stress is not the place for people to piss you off - so GET pissed off and react and explode, that way you won't get pimped out like this anymore ("aiyo that PR girl, she's really crazy men, don't set up any boys with her in the future, she's nuts!" => RESULT!)

  7. I don't mean to laugh, but I can't stop laughing!
    Take it easy men, letting them setting you up with boys is fun no? No?

  8. Been there... had similar things happen...
    But since I belong to the sadly married crowd now...
    *hugs* are all I'm gonna give...

  9. It's horrible isn't it?!

    My relatives have gone into overdrive and what with a few major weddings this year I know it's not going to get better! I'm so glad I have people who can relate though! Chin up. Lankans will be Lankans - it's the way of the world! :)

  10. hahahahaha! :D You gotta love Sri Lankan relatives/friends/friends of relatives/relatives of friends, eh? ;)

  11. Oh boy!

    However!!! DON'T Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel MEI! I can't stop laughing.

    Okay, serious face on.

    This kapu mahaththaya business is such a drag isn't it? The gene is in all of us sadly. Let's just pray that it's skipped our generation, you wouldn't want to do that to an unsuspecting lass or hunkadoodloo now would ya?

    But I will say this! Relatives will always be relatives, and I guess they mean well enough, well mine don't. But some of these people, maybe the Miss incuded don't realise the spot they put us in in such instances. BUT, yes there's a but, at the end of the day, you'll have great stories to tell your grandkids

    "you know putha, this one time this one lady who I admired (cowered from) dragged me like a cave woman towards a tall man who stood there and said hehe while I was mortified of the entire mating dance/spectacle I was thrust into and was left there shuffling my feet" or something along those line...

    Excuse the inner retard coming out, I need coffee, and I am hoping this goes through to you!

    I hug thee. MUCHLY! <3

    PS: Echos Sabby

  12. Well, according to my recently married good friend who married in her late twenties, your troubles don’t really end once you do get married.

    Old aunts, grand aunts, neighbours, old teachers and such like who used to gaze at your left hand apparently start giving subtle looks at your tummy first and then your face in the immediate aftermath of your marriage! heh, disgusting Sri Lankan reality apparently.

  13. Shit. I feel left-out because I never got to experience the masculine version of this – the unfortunate opportunity of “shopping around” for a gal since I was abroad, most of my adult life. My cousin did weekend lunches visiting prospective brides for about a year, so much so it became a joke within our circle. Finally he married someone he knew.

    Aah Sri Lanka. A land like no other. LOL.


  14. i've always thought that the tourism board should use this type of an experience in attracting the diaspora back :)

    thanks for the laugh ..

  15. SO funny! And so very relatable (I know that's not a word, but you get what I mean ya?) :-) You are definitely not alone. One aunt asked me to get married soon because there's no one else left to in the family and she's bored :-P

  16. Sabby - LOL :D Yeah I really hope we don't turn out like that. I shall have to keep coming back to this post to remind myself :D Yeah I'm relieved my parents have got my back.

    The Puppeteer - Yeah it's something that troubles me too. And it's not like these people have nothing else in their lives.

    Jerry - lol I guess this is fair game :D

    Gehan - Be careful what you wish for :P I was prepared to be asked about my love life...not to be treated like merchandise! And to answer your q, he wasn't my type :P

    Dili - Thanks...I'll keep that in mind for next time *shudder*! :D

    Darwin - :D Haha yeah you're probably right...but you know me, by the time I've gone through all the possible consequences in my mind, I've decided it isn't worth it.

    Sach - it. isn't. supposed. to. be. funny. :P And no it's not fun :P

    Angel - Aww...'happily married' surely? thanks :)

    Scrumps - You're telling me!

    Chavie - no. just no. :P

    Black Rose - Yay the comment finally got through! :D It is SUCH a drag. Like I told Sabby, I'm gonna have to keep visiting this post to make sure I don't turn into them. Yeah it is a good 'story to tell the grandkids' :D

    aufidius - Yeah I've been told the same. Sigh.

    Serendib_Isle - Oh please don't feel left out...you're lucky!

    maf - lol I'm sure they'd come running right back :D

    Seesaw - Yes I know what you mean. OMG she actually said that? Well at least she's honest :S.


Speak now, or forever hold your peace (well not really)!