A day in the life of a single girl

Listening to: Radio 1

This time last year I had a little rant about how singledom was perceived to be some kind of disease, and I'm sad to say (not really surprised though, I guess) that things haven't changed. In fact I lie, they have...they've actually got worse. My mother did warn me that they would, but I don't think anything or anyone could've prepared me for this.

Rewind to my trip home in December (re-rewind, when the crowd say bo sele...what?! That wasn't the first thing that came to mind when you read that sentence? Oh.)...amongst all the various social obligations was a family wedding. I was there with my parents, aunts and uncles, grandmother and grand aunts and generally having some quality 'family' time. One of my grand aunts took me to a corner and advised me that 'it was high time I found a good Sinhala Buddhist boy' but she's pushing 90 and harmless so I just grinned and took it on the chin. I thought to myself that if this was what my mother had warned me about, it'd be a piece of cake! I was wrong. Oh boy was I wrong.

Across the ballroom I spotted one of my old teachers, and being the glutton for punishm...I mean, well brought up child that I am, I decided it was probably best if I went and said hi. She was very pleased to see me, and I felt like I'd done a good deed...I mean who wouldn't appreciate being remembered after so many years, right? Everything was going along swimmingly...you know, the typical "so what did you do after leaving school?", "what's your research on?", "oh how lovely that our students are doing so well!"...and then I noticed her looking at my hand. My left hand. Suddenly alarm bells started ringing in my head. What happened next was a sea of incomprehensible questions, advice and gestures...but this was the general flow:

Ms X: How old are you now?
Me: Erm...26...?
Ms X: So you have a boyfriend?
Me: *OMGWTFBBQ* Err no, it's not a priority at the moment
Ms X: WHAT?! You're not getting any younger blah blah blah you must blah blah blah did you see Mr Y blah blah blah he's really smart blah blah blah I'll introduce you blah blah blah
Me: *keeeeelll meeeee naaaaooooo* Err no Miss it's ok, you don't have to...*feels hand being grabbed, body being hoisted off chair and dragged towards random guy*
Ms X: *to Mr Y* I want you to meet one of my blah blah blah she's very blah blah blah ok bye
Me: Erm hi. OK this is awkward.
Mr Y: *embarrassed look* Hehe

Can somebody say 'most embarrassing moment of PR's life'? Louder please. Thanks. My mother keeps telling me to 'keep an open mind' and I had to remind myself of that every two seconds in order to stop myself from tying my saree fall around my neck. I made small talk for about half a minute and then ran to my mother as soon as I could possibly do so politely. I was mortified, scarred for life...and my mother was rolling around laughing. And then came the next bomb drop. Apparently she had been told to look out for Mr Y's brother, 'cos he's apparently 'a good catch'. I mean WHAT THE...I'm being pimped to brothers?!?!?! Could things get any worse?!

Evidently so. About 2 days after this episode, we got a call from a family friend who lives abroad...asking for my height. Yeah, you guessed why...apparently her somebody's son is really nice and really smart. Ugh. And to top it all off, the food at the wedding was a bit dodgy, and I got the worst indigestion I'd had in ages. Way to kick a girl when she's down eh?

Why? WHY?! I ask you. I didn't ask to be set up with anyone. My parents haven't asked for me to be set up with anyone. Who are these people who feel they have some kind of duty to marry me off...some kind of right to interfere with my private life?! Since when did my love life become a public concern?! Apparently their intentions are good. Well you know what? I don't give a flying f*** about their intentions. They sure as hell don't care about mine. And to make things worse, some of these people have the audacity to tell my mother and father that they're bad parents because they're not searching for a groom. I'm telling you now, you could search the whole universe and not find two human beings who love me, care about me, respect me, who are proud of me, and have my best interests and my happiness at heart more than my parents. Anyone who calls them bad parents wouldn't know good parenting if it slapped them in the face.

And this is one of my 'issues' with back home. Every Dick, Tom and Harry is a self-appointed expert on all and sundry, and the sole purpose of their existence is to impose their opinions and their 'help' on everyone else. The fact that their intentions are good seems to make it all OK. I mean it's unimaginable that the recipient might not actually want or need help, right? What kind of an ungrateful wretch wouldn't want help or advice from these 'experts'? Oh I dunno, maybe the kind that actually knows what she wants in life and doesn't need interference from some supposedly-educated self-important elder? *rolls eyes*

So yeah. I've wanted to blog about this incident ever since it happened, but had a bit of writer's block until now. I know these are good people and I know their intentions are good but they're so self-absorbed that they don't realise that their efforts are in vain and unwelcome. I wish I knew how to tell them to STFU and mind their own goddamn business without actually telling them to STFU and mind their own goddamn business. Sigh.