Saturday, February 14, 2009

An obligatory Valentine's Day post

Listening to: Radio 1

Why is it that society thinks it fit to convince every post-pubescent human being on the planet that they should be 'looking for love'? Doesn't matter if it's emotional love (getting hitched) or physical love (getting laid) - we're all encouraged to walk around with our 'love radar' on. And just in case you were foolish enough to let life get in the way, there's always the commercial crap that is Valentine's Day to give you an annual reminder.

Why are we supposedly so needy? Why does society make us think that we can't live a wholesome life without sharing it with someone? I'm not saying we shouldn't be open to the concept of romance - I'm just querying if it should be the be all and end all of our existence.

Is it a bad thing to strive to be a complete human being, regardless of whether we're with someone or not? Isn't the whole point to find someone that (excuse the cliché) complements us, rather than one that completes us?

Maybe trying to rationalise something as irrational as love is a foolish idea. I'm just bemused as to why society wants us to believe that there's something wrong with being single and not keen to mingle. It's almost as though singledom is a disease that must be cured.

This time last year, I probably thought that if I had a boyfriend, everything would be ok - I'd be less depressed, I'd be less stressed, I'd be happier, even the weather would be better. Today? I still don't have a boyfriend, I am less depressed and less stressed, and yes I am happier. Heck it's even sunny today! Romantic love had nothing to do with it (the love of parents and friends, on the other hand...).

So yeah, I'm not going looking for love. I'm too busy learning about myself, learning to love myself, and finding my own special place in this world. If love comes in search of me, I'll happily welcome it. If not, then so be it. I'm not saying that I don't get lonely sometimes, but I'm dealing with it. Equanimity (that's Upekkha in Pali, for those of you to whom it is relevant) is what I'm striving for. Whether I meet Mr. Right or grow old a spinster, I'll be ok. I can't ask for anything more, can I?


  1. while i am the last person to side with 'society', i think the reason ppl are so eager to see others fall in love is the beauty of the whole experience.. its not even so much actually HAVING a bf/gf as just the act of falling for someone..

    i agree that u should look for someone to complement u, but i think being in love allows u to express love for someone else in a way that DOES complete u.. i dnt think u can go thru life and say ur a 'whole' person without at least once being head over heels for someone...

    so, perhaps 'society' pushing for us to be in love is in fact a way of wishing us happiness, thats all :)

  2. Gehan I'm inclined to think that you're giving society slightly more credit than it deserves in this case! But perhaps that's just my cynicism coming through.

    I'm guessing that by "head over heels for someone" you're implying that the 'someone' reciprocates that feeling. As for whether it's possible to be 'whole' without that feeling...ask me when I'm 80 ;-)

    And if society just wants us to be happy, why don't they just let us be, without all this pressure?

  3. hahaha well they can be pretty insistent, i admit, but its like wishing someone happy new year.. they're not forcing you to have one, but heck it would be great if you did...

    ok weak analogy, but u kno what i mean..


    bugger... :D

    n if ur 80 n NOT whole, then what?! :P

  4. good post luvvie. But tht doesnt mean u can't find and love urself with someone. :) but i do get what u mean..hey i found an interesting deshana...thought u might like to c it.. watch from split 1 ok :)

  5. Gehan - hehe yeah, pretty weak :P But yes, I know what you mean :-). And if I'm not whole when I'm 80, it'll be time for me to check out the dudes in the old folks' home! ;-)

    Mak - :-)

    Dee - Oh yeah I know, my point was that you don't have to be with someone in order to love yourself. And thanks for the link - very interesting! :-)

  6. I was told (over and over again) that I need someone to complete me. No they weren't telling was apparently how I functioned.
    Bollocks, I say. I have been single for months now and yes, I malfunctioned here and there but I am still here and kicking! =D


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