Summer blockbuster time!

Listening to: 'Female of the Species' by Space [Spiders]

Most people view a trip to the cinema as a social activity. I'll accept, it's a fun thing to do as a group. But, I think a lot of people underestimate the joy to be had in going to the movies alone. In fact, there generally seems to be a negative stigma associated with publicly having fun by yourself (mind out of gutter, please :P ). I mean, what would you think if you saw someone having dinner at a nice restaurant by themselves?

After a few instances of missing out on some movies because everyone I knew had other people they could (and did) go with, I figured why should I suffer because I haven't got any peeps who are as jobless as moi? So I started going to the cinema by myself. And you know what? It's pretty damn fun :D. For starters, you actually watch the movie. And then you don't feel pressured to subscribe to the majority view about which part was best, which part sucked, who was hotter etc. You can go as early as you like and get the best seat in the house. And you can type out the first two paragraphs of your next blog post on your phone while you wait for the trailers to start ;-). It's your movie to enjoy, yours alone. Sorta like a personal treat. Of course if it really moves you, you've got tons of excess emotion afterwards...but then that's what blogs are for, right? :-)

So tonight I went by myself to see Wolverine. And predictably, I loved it. There's something about that Marvel intro that makes my heart beat just a little bit faster :-). Now all you comic geeks are probably gonna watch it and find a million and one flaws ('cos that's what you guys like to do), but for the casual fan, it was great. The acting was good, the casting was spot on (Liev Schreiber man, awesome), the special effects were funkaaay, and of course there was an abundance of hotness. Why couldn't Ryan Reynolds *drool* stay on screen for longer? Waaah. But I suppose that was balanced by the number of scenes with a topless Hugh Jackman *happy sigh*.

There are, in my mind, only two points for contention. One is that the film ended with me wanting more. I suppose that's the whole point...to generate an appetite for whichever X-Men Origins installment comes next, but still. There has been criticism that there were too many auxiliary characters, but I thought that fitted in quite well. The other point is the theme. It is a very sad movie. There's a lot about pain...the pain of loss, the pain of knowing...and the message that physical pain is nothing compared to emotional pain. And all the way home, one song was ringing in my ears.

I wasn't planning on recording this and I haven't put a lot of effort into it (so much so that I'm not even sure I like what I've done with it). The original from 1980 is not my favourite piece of music, though I think Baz Luhrmann gave the song meaning in Moulin Rouge! in 2001. Anyway, here it is.

Thanks to Fallen for tidying the track up :-).

Anyone want a free degree?

Listening to: 'Big Machine' by The Goo Goo Dolls [Gutterflower]

Wow I haven't blogged for a week. And I haven't done a "welcome to my world" post in ages. But...something interesting finally happened to me (yay!), so I shall take this opportunity to tell you about it :-). Lucky you.

So most of you have read this blog will know that I have a Master of (Chemical) Engineering...a degree that I worked my ass off for, for 4 years. On Saturday, I got another degree...but this time, I didn't work for it at all! Yes, I got MA (Cantab.) for doing bugger all. Woo hoo! So what's this MA (Cantab.)? Well all it does is tell people that you entered Cambridge at least six years ago, and survived. If you'd like to find out exactly what it is, that vat of knowledge has a brief overview.

Now a lot of people see this as a pretentious 'elitist Cambridge' phenomenon. I see it is a good excuse for a reunion :D. And that is exactly what I had. I met up with friends I hadn't seen in 3-4 years, and had 4 days of fun, fun, fun. There was a lot of catching up to be done...who's got married, who's had kids, who's left the country, who's joined the church...and of course the customary 'dodging questions regarding PhD'.

My friends left today. And now I feel empty. Empty because I'm lacking sleep and my brain feels fried. Empty because after having Bang Bang staying in my room since Friday, I'm alone again. And I'll have to go back to work tomorrow, and...do stuff. Sigh.

Back to real life.

What hurts the most*

Listening to: 'Push' by Matchbox Twenty [Yourself Or Someone Like You]

In the lab again la la la. A much shorter experiment today, so hopefully I'll be home by about 2am. I'm not really sure where to go from here so I'm gonna stop after this one and have a brainstorming session with my supervisor. The problem-solving aspect of my PhD is something I relish. The shifted bodyclock, not so much. But I guess I have to take the good with the bad. As my mother told me a few days back..."only a few more months of this putha, then you can write up"...yup. Only a few more months *fingers, toes and eyes crossed*.

I want to blog but I haven't had any bright ideas lately. Not enough is happening in my life, and at the same time, there's too much happening. And I'm not feeling 'organised' enough to blog about world issues. I find my mind drifting to the past...in particular my failed romantic endeavours. Why? Why do I always go back to that? Everything else in the world can be right as rain and suddenly the little voice in my head will bring up some obscure depressing event from aeons ago (goodness knows there are plenty). And then it'll get stuck on repeat. And every time, the first thought that comes to mind is...

How much bad luck can one person have?! I mean seriously, come on! Let me have some fun, at least once?! I'm not asking for a lifetime of happiness...just one measly chance to feel wanted. No such luck.

And then the thought changes...to...

Oh for goodness' sake just quit thinking about all this crap. You're in this alone so just forget about this 'love' nonsense and get on with your life.

And then if I make the mistake of telling someone (like I'm doing right now...hmm...) they try and give me an ego boost...and the depression-turned-annoyance turns into frustration, which surfaces as anger...

Yada yada yes you keep saying how wonderful I supposedly am, but it doesn't help does it? And what would you know anyway?!

And then I cry. I cry because I've lashed out at someone who cares about me. I cry because I'm sad. I cry because I'm lonely and helpless and I can't take it any more. And then I get over it. And I move on. Until the voice speaks again. And the cycle continues.

So I've stopped telling people. Or at least I've tried. I can't risk hurting them any more. Doesn't mean I've stopped hurting myself. I need to though. I need a way out. I need to know that when my mind is idle, it won't run to this well of discontent.

And therein, I think, lies the problem...this discontent. My mother said recently that things in life come easy for some people, and not so easy for others...and that I'm one of the latter. I've worked damn hard (and continue to do so) for everything I've achieved in my life. I don't regret it, but it does make me wonder when I see other people seemingly sailing through life. In almost every aspect of my life I've managed to overcome the bad karma and effect a positive outcome. But this, I just can't crack. And it taunts me. Day in day out. No respite. The one avenue where contentment has eluded me. And there's nothing I can do about it. And I think that's what hurts the most.

I'm gonna close with this beautiful rendition of 3am, from one of Matchbox Twenty's live sessions. Just because.

*I can't believe I just named a post after a Cascada track. Eek!