Thursday, June 04, 2009

F*** the world

Listening to: Radio 1

Just came out of a meeting with my supervisor, so forgive me for not being at my chirpiest self.

I am screwed. I'm coming to the end of my 3rd year and there's TONS to be done. I have weddings and stuff back home in August and December, and the plan was to finish my experimental work by August, come back after the first batch of weddings and write up, and then go home again in December. The way things are looking now...forget August, I don't think I'll be able to go home even in December. I'm probably gonna be doing experimental work till goodness knows when...which means my father's gonna have to start paying my fees. And even then, I probably won't get my PhD.

And if work wasn't too much to handle already, my mother was kind enough to remind me that I'll be homeless in 3 months' time, so I need to get back to looking for a place to live. Yes I need to go back hunting around all the dingy excuses for living space they have in Cambridge and spend hours on the internet looking at listings instead of doing my research.

And in the midst of it all...I've been ignoring all my friends, except for the ones doing (or straight after) PhDs. Why? Because no matter how hard my friends try, they don't understand what I'm going through. They might think they do, but they don't. And they never will.

So fuck off world, and leave me alone. I know you hate me, and I hate you too.

I just want it all to end.

15 comments:

  1. ooh.. errr...

    [runs for his life]

    august is a long time away.. focus on here n now, instead of tryin to squeeze everythin in.. u'd be surprised how much u can fit into a day if ur desperate.. just do what u can now, and see how it goes for a month.. in july, re-evaluate.. k? :)

    and we hate you too :) :D

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  2. :O
    Fine! Fuck you too!
    *Runs away sobbing hysterically*

    :D

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  3. awww *HUGSSSSSSSSS* :)

    It's never as bad as it looks, but I do know that feeling of helplessness... I know you can do it Pseudo, you'll stay up all night for 3 months if that's what it takes, but you'll do it! :)

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  4. that's a shame - is your funding for a 3yr phd or a 4yr one? if it's a 3yr one and your supervisor still says you have to do a lot more work, is it possible that he could provide you with some sort of funding, enough to live on? technically if your phd is 3yrs then you wouldn't have to pay tuition fees after the completion of the 3yrs right? can he tweak something where you're still working in the lab but as a research assistant/lab tech on paper so that he can pay you some sort of maintenance fees? i ask because a guy in our parasitology group stayed on an extra couple of months wrapping up his labwork even though he wasn't technically a student anymore because his supervisor had some money leftover from another grant. perhaps you could broach this to your supervisor? surely phd students can't be expected to self-fund like that because its not fair on the student.

    with regard to living arrangements, heh i know the feeling as i will be kicked out of halls in 3 months time too! but lots of students ARE moving out at this time of the year so its a good time to be looking for a place. cant you team up with other folk in the same boat as you so the burden is shared? or are you looking for a 1 bedroom flat?

    i dunno what to say about not being able to go back home in august - perhaps you can still take time off, but less time (if you were initially hoping for a month, cant you trim it down to 2 weeks?). if you cant do that then i think its just a case of making up your mind about foregoing the weddings because in the scale of things you do need the data (else your thesis won't have enough results to survive the viva - eek!). you'd rather do this extra labwork because your supervisor says so, rather than your external examiner at the viva saying you have to....right? :)

    goodluck, hope this helps somewhat.

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  5. Do you sound sexy when you say "fuck off" as well?

    Oh, I see that now a "fuck off" coming this way! Gotta run!
    :P

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  6. Emos here, emos there, emos everywhere.

    I keed I keeed!

    erm.. what Darwin said.

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  7. oh..i get ya...

    it sure does sound like a lot to handle at the same time... but I'm sure you'll get everything done just fine..:)

    Lets hope you do get to be here for some of the weddings and maybe sing too..:)

    *big hug*

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  8. Come to Sri Lanka! Create our first biological weapons program!

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  9. yea, I'm with Jerry! be our Dr. Anthrax! ;) lol

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  10. Awww! Well, ditto what Darwin said (bless her heart!). :)

    And if you need to me to help in any way (I can look for accom whilst at work - they don't need to know!), let me know!

    *hugs*

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  11. Gehan - :D Yeah...I'm slowly chipping away at the mountain, thanks :)

    Mak - come baaaaaack! :D

    Chavie - thanks kiddo :)

    Darwin - awww thanks :) It's 3 yrs but I think completion of experiments is a pre-requisite for fees exemption...it's all a bit vague to be honest. But submission deadline is Sept '10 so if I'm not paying fees, then I'm fine. Dept has no money for overseas students so I'm stuffed there :-|
    Accommodation is sorted now; I'll explain all in another post :)
    Yeah I know you're right re going home. I was a tad overwhelmed when I wrote the post and got all mopey about not being there for the weddings. I'm in a more pragmatic mood now :)

    Sachintha - down boy! :P

    who else but me - thanks :)

    Serendib_Isle - hehe hmm indeed! It's sorting itself out though.

    Dee - thanks :)

    Jerry - lol :D You sure you want an emo female in charge of a national weapons programme? :D

    St. Fallen - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm :)

    Lady Divine - hehe yup fingers crossed! Thanks :)

    Chavie - see what I told Jerry :P

    Scrumpy - aww thanks for the offer girlie! I'll give an update soon :)

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