Sunday, August 03, 2008

Introspection is a bitch...

Listening to: 'Come Dance With Me' by Diana Krall [From This Moment On]

I am 25, and I have been for over two months now. Usually, I get the pre-birthday blues and rant about it (see here and here). I thought it would be the same this year (there's something inauspicious about breaking with tradition, wouldn't you say?)...but surprisingly, I didn't have anything to say. Maybe it's because I was preoccupied with a well-timed weekend getaway to the Lake District (which was fantastic), or maybe it's because I had a lot on my mind that wasn't related to my birthday. Or maybe it was just the fact that there was nothing planned in terms of celebrations. I dunno. Doesn't really matter, I suppose.

What does matter, in my eyes, is the introspection that's begun since my birthday. I'm not sure if one of my previous posts was an adequate indication, but I've been thinking a lot. About myself. And I'm not sure if I necessarily like what I've found. It's not something I'm eloquent enough to explain...but I think anyone who looks deep enough into themselves will probably find bits they want to chuck out or change.

That said, introspection is a bitch, but then you grow. And hopefully, that's what I'm doing now. I'm spring-cleaning my personality: chucking out the rubbish bits, changing the bits I can, and learning to love the bits that are here to stay. There's something to be said for respect and acceptance - you can't expect to get it from others if you don't get it from yourself. That's not to say that it's ok for others to treat you like shit because they don't matter. And it's not a case of 'if you believe you are great, everyone else will believe it too', which seems to be in line with most of the advice I get. Instead, I think it's a case of realising that you're worthy of respect and acceptance even when they don't seem to be coming from those around you. It's realising that if someone you care about isn't nice to you, it's not your fault; that the fact that they don't appreciate you doesn't mean that you're not worthy of appreciation. It's realising that you are no more fallible, and no less worthy, than anyone and everyone around you.

It'll take time, I know. I've already slipped many times in the past two months. But I'm trying. Better late than never, I suppose.

1 comment:

  1. "I think it's a case of realising that you're worthy of respect and acceptance even when they don't seem to be coming from those around you."

    I guess some are stronger and better at accepting that than others. More often than not, with me...I break each and every time I know someone doesn't accept me or thinks two-shits of me. Sad, but I guess change is in order =)


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