And then there were none...(chocolates, I mean)

Listening to: 'Never Know' by Jack Johnson [In Between Dreams]

*Sigh*, all gone. Two minibars of Toblerone and one box of Lindt Lindor - it took me one week, which might not be the quickest I've ever managed to finish my chocs, but still... Needless to say my skin has taken the brunt of the abuse, but oh well...chocoholic pleasure vs. not-so-bad skin - doesn't take a genius to figure out which one I'd choose! :D

Thanks to Waz for the rose (which is surprisingly still alive - I think)! It was a pleasant surprise ☺ On one hand, it confirmed my convictions - I'd be stupid to entertain the idea of being secretly admired (in the traditional sense of the word)! On the other hand however, it reminded me that there are people around me who care ☺ A good lesson overall. I think it made me discover something else as well, but more on that later.

Anyway, the new-found thrill of Valentine's Day is over. Now all that's left are the letters, the rose, empty chocolate boxes, the two plastic roses I 'borrowed' from the restaurant and my pretty origami bird, which is sitting on my desk. Not surprising that only the girls were impressed with the personalised gifts :D I find the whole male response to the episode quite amusing. Most males seem to have a tendency to be rather envious of a pal who climbs even a single notch in the good books of female friends. Of course it would be beyond their wildest dreams (or nightmares, rather) to actually admit to these feelings, let alone do anything about it! Oh no, they're far too busy thinking up conspiracy theories that undermine the thoughtfulness that went into the notch-climbing exercise. Fruitless, methinks...fact of the matter remains that hearts and minds have been turned, and will stay turned until further notice. This seems to be quite different to the attitude females show to similar occurrences - if she climbs the ranks by wearing a short skirt and a low-cut blouse, then of course she'll be subject to malicious gossip. However, if she wins brownie points by baking him his favourite cake...that's sweet (not to mention smart!), and would be commended. Now before you get all offended and start ranting and raving and calling me a sexist, I shall produce my disclaimer: I am not generalising; I'm merely making observations based on my experience. Girls might get jealous over things like clothes, hair and looks...but when it comes to the sentimental stuff, it's the boys that go green.

Moving on...

I thought it would happen in days, maybe weeks...a few months at the most (well initially I thought it wouldn't have to happen, but that idea was soon dispelled). In fact, it's taken years. And now, I sit and wonder...has a platonic plateau finally been reached? Has awkwardness finally decided to retreat into the abyss of a scarred history? I believe the turning point was the discovery that *things like this don't happen to people like me* (see above), a line I've used once before with the same audience, in different circumstances. I can't say for sure as there are still some issues glaring me in the face (which it seems only I can see)...but none of these issues are from my side, so I'm hopeful. Strange how these things work out.

All this thinking has got me quite exhausted. Jack Johnson has been strumming his guitar for the past six hours or so and he must be exhausted as well...but I will soon turn my computer off and he'll be able to rest until tomorrow, when I play the same playlist again. Where would I be without my music? And my chocolate?

Oh what a day...

Listening to: 'Forget It' by Breaking Benjamin [We Are Not Alone]

Wow...where do I begin. Today has been relatively uneventful, so I'll concentrate on yesterday. It started off like any other Tuesday - woke up ~9am, waltzed into Rheology knowing that I would've only missed a few minutes of some prehistoric slides, if anything. Sat through the lecture dreaming about the Chinese food I was to have at dinner, and ambled back to college around noon. Walked into the Porters' Lodge to find a beautiful pink and white rose in my pigeon hole (surprise #1). I was thrilled! Even though I was sort of expecting it (BM did mention on Saturday that he'd get me one), the fact that someone had bothered to get me a rose was enough to make my day. Even amazon.com had decided to make me happy, and had sent me the stuff I ordered a whole day early! How about that, eh?

So anyway, back in my room, announced to the world that is Facebook that I had *finally* received a rose, thanked BM, did a lot of grinning and tried to learn about the stability of colloids and DLVO theory (fat chance). Spent the whole afternoon Facebooking with ShortStuff - she stays off MSN to avoid distraction, but stays logged in to Facebook instead...the rationale behind that, I will never comprehend :D

At ~8pm, left college to go to our meeting place. ShortStuff was being very mysterious with her choice of words - "I know something you don't...heehee" etc. It was all very frustrating, but I'm not one to beg for gossip, so I decided to wait for the information to come to me. Oh boy did it come. At the lodge, Teddy had left a box of chocolates for me (surprise #2). At the restaurant, I was informed by the others that at the time I discovered my rose, BM hadn't even bought his, so my rose was in fact from someone else (surprise #3). Huh? A rose for ME? A secret admirer for ME? ME? ME? ME? This could not be happening. This must be a mistake. Maybe whoever left it there had got the pigeon hole wrong...it must be meant for someone else. It can't be meant for ME!?!?!?!

While we were still catching up on each others' Valentine's days...Shorty nipped out for a bit, bringing confusion to the table. She returned armed with envelopes for each of us, and a box of chocolates. A personalised Valentine's Day gift for each of us, hand-delivered to the restaurant (surprise #4). I never, never, ever would've thought I'd be the recipient of such a gift. (Almost) All the chocolate in the world can't give me the same joy that I found in reading that letter. Tearful eyes and dried up throat returned to remind me of the power of the author's words and their effect on me. Twenty seven hours later, I'm still in a state of shock.

You'd think four surprises would be enough for one day. But no, the 'boys' had one more left. An amiable waitress entered with an amused look on her face to inform us that Teddy and Big Boss Man had paid for our dessert (surprise #5). If only I had known that dessert was on its way...I wouldn't have eaten so much!

I don't generally *do* surprises. I prefer to know where I stand. For someone who would find one surprise exhaustive, five in one day was pretty heavy!

I haven't found out who sent me my solitary rose, and I have no clue how to find out, so I'm just going to accept that I'll probably never know and forget about it. Or at least I will, as soon as the flower's gone. Mystery rose person, I wish you'd tell me who you are...but I'll be OK if you don't. Thank you for making me feel special...I need that sometimes ☺

It's been a while...

Listening to: 'I Get Along Without You Very Well' by Diana Krall [The Look of Love]

Almost a week since my last post. That would/should imply that I've been busy. I'm not entirely sure that I have. Also, I have no recollection of what I did on Wednesday - if you have any idea, let me know!

As for Thursday, Jr. and Law cooked for us. Man I love rice. Miss having rice everyday. I wish I had the time to cook for myself - not just rice and chicken with some random crap from Sharwoods - no, I mean the real deal. Oh fish curry, the longing for fish curry. English food sucks ass. I've been surfing for recipes for Watalappan. Most of them require jaggery, but I found some using brown sugar. Maybe I'll clear up my timetable enough one day to actually make some. Just need to figure out how to steam stuff without a steamer.

Now Friday was an eventful day. Had an argument with Shorty, but that was soon resolved. Sri Lanka managed to thrash the Aussies in the first final of the VB series, so I, naturally, donned my Sri Lanka cricket T-shirt to lectures. The afternoon was *interesting*, with the Weakest Link being exposed and relegated, so it seems. It would have been acceptable had the decision been made and no guilt conveyed (I know I'm not the smartest kid on the block), however the post-announcement disclaimer gave me the impression that maybe academic merit wasn't the only factor being decided upon. My thoughts for the day: Loyalty is for losers, and Racism is rife.

The ball on Friday managed to dispel some of my bad mood. The sari draped almost perfectly, and I felt pretty ☺ Superman said I looked "very beautiful", so my night was made ☺ Didn't get any food though, which was a bit crap. And my metallic spine prevented me from doing much other than stuffing my face near the chocolate fountain for 5 mins. Oh well, just as well it was free!

Saturday, on the other hand, was amazing! Apart from the fire alarm that went off 45 mins after I went to bed on Friday night, of course. Was at the Guildhall sans breakfast by 10.30am, with the intention of being back in college by 1pm. Instead, I rushed back with my lovely aunt (who happens to be two years my junior) in tow at 4.45pm, and arrived at the venue two hours later, in surprisingly well draped sari and half-done make up and hair.

The incompetent DJs had only arrived fifteen minutes earlier (as opposed to the previously agreed 6pm) and so soundcheck and mic balance was not an option. So much for practising before the performance. As predicted, it didn't go as well as I had hoped. Two notes were absolutely horrific, but the rest was passable. And passable is not good, by my standards. However, those who had never heard me sing before thought I was brilliant, and those who had, thought I was good. Those who had sung before, told me the mics were bad anyway, so any misadventures with the notes were put down to technical failure rather than a crap voice. All's well that ends well, I guess. The rest of the night went completely according to plan, with the event being a HUGE success.

All was good until 3am, when we sat down to watch the 2nd final v Australia live. 10/3 in the 3rd over - could it get any better? Obviously not, as the Kangaroos went on to make their highest total ever, giving Murali the worst bowling figures in the history of the game. Oh well, shit happens. 4 hours left for the decider, nerves are taut.

The rest of yesterday was a haze of hallfood and photos from the previous evening. I went to bed, not quite recovered from my weekend of reveling, knowing that due to unavoidable circumstances, today would not be very productive.

How right was I?! Woke up at 8.45am, 1pm and finally 3.30pm. Since then I have had a shower, washed dishes and eaten bacon with pancakes and golden syrup (yes I know that's meant to be breakfast food, but still...). And of course I've updated this.

With nothing left to do today, and a stomach cramp the size of China (well not really), I think I shall head back to bed. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and the CUBS girls are going out to dinner, to celebrate being unattached (or to lament being lonely...either way, there'll be food!!!).

Off to fetch a hot water bottle. I need a hug.

Wanted: The Voice I Had Four Years Ago

Listening to: 'Touch The Sky' by Kanye West ft. Lupe Fiasco [Late Registration]

Practice was awful...my throat hurts. I sound like a frog. A strangled frog. Gone are the days when I could hit a top G and sound good. Gone are the days when my top C could be heard outside the auditorium. Failure. And out of the people coming on Saturday, those who have heard me sing, heard me four years ago...so they're gonna think I'm actually decent. Fat chance. I'm going to croak, the microphone's gonna give up and die and no one's gonna hear me...which might be a good thing actually. Hot water and Lemon & Ginger Tea are high on my "To Drink" list, but I'm afraid that might not be enough to save me.

Moving on...

RAG Blind Date. Woohoo!!! You think. I think not. The fear of being stood up has championed once again, and while my friends are probably engaging in highly intellectually stimulating conversations (...not) with their dates, I'm typing in a blog entry. Way to go Me. Going to dinner/a club with a random guy you've probably only seen before in Sainsbury's (and on Facebook) doesn't sound that appealing to me, to be honest. Most people fib on their entry forms anyway. And others send their friends to 'assess the suitability of the candidate' before showing their faces. "Oh it's all for a laugh, and it's for charity...it's not serious!" They all say. Hmm...I wonder if they'd be as enthusiastic and casual about it if their 'date' turned out to be an absolute minger with a mouth like a sewer and a personality similar to that of a doorknob, who lied on their form 'cos "it's all for a laugh". I think not. OK, so I chickened out. Yes I can hear you saying "you'll never know if you don't try". Maybe I don't want to try. Maybe I enjoy being miserable and lonely. People have told me that before...maybe they were right. Aaargh I wish people wouldn't try and coax me into doing things that I want to, but am afraid of doing. I'll never submit, it's not in my nature to be forced to do things. Instead I'll sit around trying to convince myself that opting out was a good idea.

On other matters, application form submitted. Now it's thumb-twiddling time. Whoo-pee.

Was listening to Radio 1 yesterday, due to lack of lectures. The Magic Numbers were on Jo Whiley's show, as a promo for The Brits. They did a cover of Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out" which I thought was stellar! Should be able to listen to the whole show here, for about a week. The last bit of the song is especially good, in my opinion.

Right, I should go and write some boring essays in the hope that I'll get some funding for this PhD. That's if I don't fall asleep first.

Till we meet again...

A look back on the weekend

Listening to: 'Ganga Addara' by Victor Silva ['Ganga Addara' Soundtrack]

Haven't been able to blog for the past three days. I've been told by others to update...so at least someone reads it on a regular basis! So here's my weekend recap:

Friday:
Had a very boring afternoon...a very dull Project Management lecture (during which I did my Chinese homework) and a Chinese class which was probably interesting, but I was too tired to experience properly. The only event of the afternoon was seeing DA entertaining himself during Project Management...something I wish I didn't see.

Haelios took us out to dinner afterwards - a joyous occasion, if not for the varied mating calls that were heard throughout the evening. Still, Old Orleans has some awesome desserts!*

Saturday:
Saturday started very badly, with me waking up at a disgraceful 12.30pm. After what seemed like not enough of Facebook-related procrastination, I started preparing myself for the evening ahead. Three hours of waxing, one hour of hair care and fifteen minutes of make up later, I was ready. I teetered down to Robinson for what turned out to be one of the best nights ever! Amazing! It's so nice to be able to have fun with friends without having to worry about each person's quirks and insecurities. No need to tiptoe around certain people, no need to be on guard, no need to be ever-ready for a fight, no need to expect people to be rude or insensitive or down right mean. Just pure fun.*

Sunday:
Today has been mostly quiet. Was up by 9am, and all photos had been uploaded and shared by 11am. This was followed by the weekly parental phone call. I cherish the fact that my relationship with my parents is a strong as it is...I can share my fears without hesitation, and I know they understand exactly where I'm coming from. I guess I've done some things right in previous incarnations ;-) My grandparents have sent me a Thank You card - for sending them an Anniversary card. After 59 years of marriage, you'd think they'd be used to getting anniversary cards by now! Every time I receive an international call on a day other than Sunday, I think the worst. I know that one day, I will get the dreaded phone call. Until then, I must celebrate their lives and look forward to seeing them again.

There have been many interactions this weekend, on many a level. It seems to me that while some of us are gifted in reading between the lines, others are equally gifted in shooting themselves in the foot without even noticing it. I'm not sure which is worse - doing something wrong and knowing it, or doing something wrong and not realising/caring about the damage you've caused.

The voice is barely better, although there's no improvement in the lung power. Hope for the best and expect the worst, I say.

*See Facebook Pics for photographic proof

Addendum...

Listening to: 'Maha Pirith'

Just a quick one...apparently the Danes apologised yesterday (maybe they read my blog! :D ). And the editor of the French newspaper that published the 'cartoons' in support of the Danish paper has been sacked. It is a positive turn of events in my opinion...I'm just concerned it's too late. Danish companies have already lost plenty of business in countries all over the world. In one of the many articles on the BBC regarding this topic, someone had said:

I think that the freedom of expression is more of an obligation than a right.

I think as far as the media goes, so do I. In my opinion, freedom of expression should be used as a tool to educate the public, not ridicule them.

Gotta go get ready for lectures.

On comics and caricatures...

Listening to: 'In The Mood' by Glenn Miller & His Orchestra [Glenn Miller]

Yup, still listening to Glenn Miller. My toes suddenly go into 'tapping mode'...they seem to have a mind of their own. I want to jive! Jiving by oneself isn't the most enjoyable form of dancing though.

My voice is OK, but not as OK as I'd like it to be. I swear I've lost all lung power! I have one week and 2 days to prepare. Late nights don't help. Oh AND it's -0.4°C outside. Joy. I want some pol puchchala (i.e. "burnt coconut"). How else is my voice supposed to be ready for next week? Disaster, I tell you. The fact that I haven't performed on stage for ~4yrs doesn't help. Nerves. Can't even remember the words of the song. ONLY ONE WEEK MORE!!! I'm going insane. Need to calm down. See what sleep deprivation does to me?

Speaking of sleep deprivation...I woke up at 8.30am today, as opposed to the ideal 7.30am. Missed breakie and got into lectures about 10mins late, which wasn't bad, considering it was Rheology. Apparently I missed a tour of Australia (wonder how patronising he made that sound).

I read this article in the news today. While I'm all for freedom of the press and freedom of expression and all that, I think this is in bad taste. OK so the Danes thought they were being funny. But they offended an entire community, and could/should have put out a statement saying that they didn't mean to insult anyone. That would have been acceptable (in my eyes at least). End of story. But what happens? Suddenly it's in all the papers all over Europe, and they end up insulting other religions as well in the process. The way I see it...this is just a chance for some European journalists to bully social spheres that they know next to nothing about. Guys, grow a heart (and a brain while you're at it)! Surely there are bigger things going on in the world that they shouldn't have space in their papers to poke fun at people's beliefs. Another lovely quote (this time from Spider-man 2):

[Peter to Harry]:There are bigger things happening here than me and you.

The Spidey movies are FULL of cheesy, yet effective quotes. I love them! Can't wait for the next one to come out (I think that'll be next year). X-3 is coming out in Summer...woohoo!!! You can see I like my comic-->silverscreen movies. I'm more of a Marvel girl than a DC girl though. Don't get me wrong, Superman is cool...but there's something about Spidey that I love (can't put my finger on it right now). I don't think much of Batman...he's not a superhero in the 'superhuman' kinda way. Amazing strength of character and very resourceful (thanks to his handy bat-everythings), but nothing 'out of this world'. Being bitten by a mutant spider though...now how cool is that?!?!

Hmm...almost 10pm. I've actually done some work today. The beautiful people have been mostly staying out of my way, which is a relief. My blood pressure suffers when they're near. It's not so much my temper, but more so my tolerance levels.

Man I'm pooped. Methinks I shall shower and jump into bed, in hope of a better voice tomorrow morning.

Sweet dreams, stranger.

The joys of good food and good company

Listening to: 'Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree' by Glenn Miller & His Orchestra [Glenn Miller]

Robinson Formal...woohoo!!! 'Twas excellent - great food, great(er) company ☺ Laughed non-stop, while the topic of conversation ranged from PhD applications to LOST, research project meetings to Big Brother, Summer Internships to Radio I. Ah the joy. After dinner we proceeded to the bar, where the laughter continued. Obviously alcohol played a big part, however consumption of said beverage was not a requirement for optimal enjoyment of the event ☺ In my opinion, it never is (however, I do appreciate that I am a part of a minority in this respect). Gin was in good form as usual, as were Tickle and HP.

Gin and I were chatting about 50's swing band music (while singing along to the Kaiser Chiefs and The Killers...as you do). When I got home, Gin sent me some...in one word - AWESOME! One of them (a Cole Porter composition) was named after me! (not the other way around, obviously ;-) ) That got me into my Glenn Miller mood (hence the playlist).

What am I going to do after July? All these pals of mine will be working all over the UK (and beyond, in some cases) and who knows if I'll ever see them after graduation? The beauty of life, I guess. I remember thinking the same thing last year, when college friends graduated. I do miss some of them, especially the girls. Maybe I should wander down to London one of these days and give them a hug.

Having returned home at 11.30pm, I was to go to sleep by 1.00am the latest. However (thanks to Gin, Glenn Miller and some others) it is now 2.12am and I am still awake. This is not good, for 9.00am lectures tomorrow will be slightly inconvenient after ~5hrs of sleep.

Speaking of lectures...ay ay ay Rheology. It's very sweet of MRM to show us slides from his journeys through SE Asia, however the slides are ~12yrs old (KL doesn't really look like a jungle anymore, as far as I'm aware) and his take on the whole slideshowing procedure is just a teeny weeny bit patronising. I appreciate that his intentions are purely educational and that he has nothing against developing countries...however when you hear "you wouldn't be able to do that in England" about 10 times in 10 minutes, it does get a bit irritating. I wouldn't be surprised if he still refers to Sri Lanka as Ceylon. Like dude, that was sooo last week!

OK bed time. I'm *actually* tired now, so it's probably a good idea. To quote George Clooney's latest (which I haven't seen yet) -

Good Night, and Good Luck.